"What Not To Say": On Infertility

Last week was National Infertility Awareness Week. A friend of mine posted one thing each day last week that people simply should NOT say to those couples who are struggling with infertility. I asked her if I could post her thoughts because I thought it would be beneficial to share.

I'm so grateful that infertility is not something that my husband and I have had to experience. I couldn't even pretend to understand the pain that some couples face when they experience this struggle. But I do want to do what I can to support and encourage my friends as they walk their journeys, whether or not I have experienced them. And I want to remember, most of all, that my child is a sweet, sweet gift... a gift that is precious and not something to be taken for granted.

So, here we are:
National Infertility Awareness Week and "What Not to Say"

1. OUCH!: Why the rush? You're still so young.
   Age doesn't have anything to do with it. Every pregnancy announcement we hear, every baby we see, every expectant mother we sit next to while waiting to see the doctor about our latest test results is a reminder of all we don't have and can't be. Each time a sensitive, caring friend comes to tell you in the privacy of your own home ("before you find out anywhere else") that she is expecting, the only way you can survive it is by promising yourself that you'll be next. But when the next announcement ISN'T yours, it gets harder and harder to believe. I'm not trying to beat my biological clock. I'm trying to beat everyone else's! I'm trying to beat the pain. I'm trying to beat that next horrible blow. I'm trying to beat feeling that unbearable ache one - more - time.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: You will be such great parents!
   Thank you for believing in us! And thanks for the reminder that we will get there eventually. Sometimes it's easy to lose sight of that. We may not get our child in the way we'd always imagined, but one way or another, we will be parents. (Hint: Be sure not to say this to someone who has chosen to remain childless and is healing from that.)
   
2. OUCH!: Have you considered fostering/domestic adoption/international adoption/IVF/embryo transfer/egg donor/surrogate/kidnapping/etc? [Not so much a painful question as just one where the answer seems obvious. Although some do ask this question in a pointed, almost condescending way, as though trying to imply that we're not doing what we should be. That DOES hurt.] 
   Yes. Just yes. Trust me, we've been up and down the list five million times. Anyone going through this is going to explore EVERY option! The truth is that none of these options are ideal. There are unbelievably long waits, deep pain, unknown and frightening risks, incredible expense, questionable ethics, birthparent relationships, and a multitude of other issues no matter which way you turn when you can't conceive naturally. Please trust that we've made the right decision for US.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: How did you arrive at the decision to pursue [insert chosen method of family-building]?
   I'm glad you asked! It wasn't an easy choice, I assure you. Thanks for being interested in our journey!
   
3. OUCH!: Are you really going to do that? Haven't you heard that [insert any manner of negative objection]?
   Yes. I assure you we've read all the reasons we should and shouldn't do everything. We've done our homework, but everywhere you look, you can always find an organization or blog or protestor that is more than happy to tell you why any given choice is wrong. Sometimes you have to look at your options and ask, "Which option gives me the peace in my soul to let me sleep at night?"
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: That must be a tough decision.
   Yes, it is. Thank you for recognizing that. I hope you never have to make it.
   
4. OUCH!: So which one of you has the problem?
   Seriously? If I wanted you to know that, I would've told you. If I'm the problem, I'm not sure I appreciate you being so curious about the failures of my baby-maker. If it's my spouse, I'm really not comfortable discussing his physical issues behind his back. There's no winner to this question. The point is not to blame one person. We are a couple striving for the same purpose and working through the same problem together.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: How is your husband handling all this?
   How kind of you to think of him! Infertility can cause serious stress in a marriage. We're working through it together, and he's been an amazing, supportive husband on those days when I'm a wreck!
   
5. OUCH!: All you need to do is ...
   Okay. I'm going to stop you right there. Because whatever comes out of your mouth next is going to either be incredibly awkward, uninformed, or obsolete, but most likely all three. It's amazing how many people who have never lived through this struggle are happy to advise me to take special vitamins, have my spine adjusted, add a "special ingredient" to my tea, monitor my body temperature, spin around three times chanting in German, or any other number of unhelpful rituals. Everyone and their great aunt has their own "fail-proof" cure. Infertility is a complex medical concern with many causes (many of which are unknown) and many levels of severity.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: I'll be praying for you.
   Sometimes, that's all we need to hear. And sometimes, it's our only hope. Thank you!
   
6. OUCH!: If you would just relax/adopt/stop trying, it'll happen.
   If I had a nickel for every time this was said to me, my costs would be covered. In a perfect world, we could all achieve what we want by closing our eyes, taking a deep breath, and wishing. The human anatomy is complicated. Infertility can be caused by chromosomal, hormonal, mechanical, genetic, disease-related, secondary, or even neural conditions, just to list a few of the physical gears that go into human fertility. But NOT failure to put one's feet up from time to time.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: I hope it happens for you very soon, even if it's in a way you don't expect!
   Thank you. We do too!
   
7. OUCH!: You want kids? You can take a couple off my hands. My kids will change your mind.
   This is probably the most hurtful thing that I ever hear. I know you mean it as a joke and that you're just trying to lighten the mood. I know you love your children. But you have no idea what a slap in the face it is. You have no idea that there's a deep part of me that wants to scream, "YES!" Everywhere you go, you can see parents who don't appreciate or take care of their children - people who just want to be parents when it's convenient. You just want to go tell them all what a blessing they are missing out on because they aren't cherishing their children.
   
   THE BETTER RESPONSE: Wow. Seeing what you're going through makes me appreciate my family more.
   This may sound insensitive to you, but it's the sweetest thing for me to hear. If my pain can do something so beautiful as to remind someone else of their blessings, then it *almost* makes it worth it. Every child should be treasured. Go home and hug your kids a little tighter tonight. Because you know you couldn't imagine a life without them.

Super-Easy Hummus

I've been looking for healthy snacking ideas lately, since my body needs to eat small amounts more often during breastfeeding. I found a hummus recipe and have tweaked it to make pretty good hummus—especially for how easy it is to make! Here's my tweaked recipe:

• 1 (15 ounce) can garbanzo beans, drained, liquid reserved
• 2 cloves garlic, crushed
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon lemon juice
• 1 tablespoon olive oil
• sesame seeds to taste

In a blender or food processor combine all ingredients. Blend on low speed, gradually adding reserved bean liquid, until desired consistency is achieved.

I've been eating it with sugar snap peas. Yum!

This will be a great addition to my other snacks, which currently include yogurt, fruit, string cheese, granola bars, and trail mix.

What are some of your favorite healthy snacks?

Slow Cooker Apple Cinnamon Steel-Cut Oatmeal

Several weeks ago, I had some friends over on a Saturday morning, so I decided to serve them this apple cinnamon oatmeal that I'd been wanting to try. I'd gotten some steel-cut oats for the first time and wanted to make something simple with them using the slow cooker, since working full-time I'd not had time in the mornings to cook steel-cut oats on the stovetop.

It was delicious! I served it with various topping options (cinnamon, syrup, sugar, natural cane sugar, honey, butter, brown sugar, dried apricots, and ground flax seed) and found I loved it with a little brown sugar and dried cranberries for some extra flavor.

Ingredients

• 2 apples, peeled, cored, cut into 1/2-inch pieces (2-1/2 to 3 cups chopped)
• 1-1/2 cups fat-free milk (or substitute non-diary alternative like almond milk)
• 1-1/2 cups water
• 1 cup uncooked steel-cut oats
• 2 tablespoons brown sugar (or substitute maple syrup or other desired sweetener)
• 1-1/2 tablespoons butter, cut into 5-6 pieces (optional)
• 1/2 teaspoon cinnamon
• 1 tablespoon ground flax seed
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• Optional garnishes: chopped nuts, raisins, maple syrup, additional milk or butter

Directions
Coat inside of 3-1/2 quart (or larger) slow cooker with cooking spray. Add all ingredients (except optional toppings) to slow cooker. Stir, cover, and cook on low for approx. 7 hours (slow cooker times can vary). Spoon oatmeal into bowls; add optional toppings, if desired. Store leftovers in refrigerator. Freezes well.

To reheat single servings: Put 1-cup cooked oatmeal in microwave proof bowl. Add 1/3 cup fat-free milk. Microwave on high for 1 minute; stir. Continue cooking for another minute, or until hot.

Recipe can be doubled in 6-quart or larger slow cooker. Increase cooking time 1 hour.

Nutritional Info (per 3/4 cup serving): 149 calories, 3.6g fat, 27.3g carbs, 3.9g fiber, 4.9g protein; Weight Watchers PointsPlus: 4 pts

Four Christmas Songs That Make Me Cry

Well, I was listening to Christmas music the other day and just wanted to share some thoughts about some of my very favorite Christmas songs and why they are my favorites. What Christmas songs make you cry? Why? Here are some of mine:

Labor of Love by Andrew Peterson

Oh my goodness. I think this might be my favorite Christmas song. I picture "Noble Joseph by her side | Callused hands and weary eyes | There were no midwives to be found | In the streets of David's town | In the middle of the night | So he held her and he prayed | Shafts of moonlight on his face | But the baby in her womb | He was the maker of the moon | He was the Author of the faith | That could make the mountains move." This song really captures the reality of what it may have been like for Mary and Joseph… and the wonder of God being made man!

The Christmas Shoes by NewSong

I know some people think this song is cheesy or whatever, but it still gets me every time I hear it. Admit it—it makes you cry, too. To think of that little boy… his sweet innocence… and how he shouldn't lose his mom. Death is not part of the way things are supposed to be! Makes me long for the Day death is dead for good! (More about that Day below… read on)



Grown-Up Christmas List by various artists

Again, I know some people think this song is cheesy. That's fine. But, think about it. Doesn't it reflect something that is deep in every person's soul? Don't we all long for the Day when there is no more war, that no one would be lonely, that Right would win for good, and that love would abound? It's a longing for Heaven! God put that longing there! So this song makes me grateful and sad. Sad, because I know that there are so many in the world who long for Heaven and will not experience it because they will not allow Jesus to be Lord of their lives. Grateful, because it points me to my God who I know conquered the world and who WILL keep His promise to bring all who believe to that perfect new heavens & earth. Maranatha!



Here With Us by Joy Williams

Here, again, this song really captures the beauty, the wonder, the mystery, the so-above-anything-humans-could-have-come-up-with-ness of this idea that GOD ever would become a human being! And all this to rescue us. Amazing.

Seriously.

That this God who had "heard an angel symphony" would enter this world—to the sounds of a laboring virgin mother (I won't even get into the amazing paradox of those three words juxtaposed), the wailing of donkeys and bleating of sheep, the awed but very non-heavenly voices of the shepherds…

That this God whose eyes had beheld heaven since the beginning of time would enter this world—to the sight of a dirty stable and all that is imperfect about the world, including the angry, unbelieving crowd crying "Crucify him!"…

That the God whose hands created the world would enter into the world He made with tiny baby hands, and then work like a man with dirty, calloused carpenter hands, and then have those same hands nailed to a cross to rescue the very people who nailed Him there.

Think about it! That's crazy! … At least by any human calculation.

Even in the little things… and to think He never sinned! Think about it:


GOD being an infant—completely dependent on human parents for food, protection…

GOD fleeing with those parents to Egypt to escape Herod's wrath…

GOD patiently honoring her when His mother worried, blamed, gossiped...

GOD working hard with His hands, building things, dealing well with shrewd businesspeople…

GOD trusting the Father for provision as He began His public ministry, homeless…

GOD watching that rich young ruler walk away from eternal life—for money...

GOD patiently teaching the disciples when they were fearful, not trusting, and just plain old dense…

GOD actually touching that leper—the man all saw as untouchable...

GOD, who never before needed to sleep, closing His eyes each night to rest, weary...

GOD waking early to commune with His Father…

GOD seeing the Pharisees—who are among the people He came for—choosing to be the gods of their own lives, thank you very much…

GOD washing stinky, dusty, crusty feet…

GOD being abandoned by all those closest to Him in His final hour…

GOD enduring betrayal, beating, crucifixion…

GOD experiencing the separation from the Father that we deserve…


Emmanuel. God with us.


For our sakes.

O come, let us adore Him.

The World Overcome

We are so frequently misguided about God's plans. Day by day we measure our progress toward anticipated goals; we judge God's faithfulness and our performance by the proximity of the desired accomplishment. Is everything progressing as it should? Am I getting through this rough patch? Are my kids achieving? Am I paying down my debt? Is my boss finally appreciating me? And then the kids fail (again!); foreclosure looms; we discover that the boss not only doesn't appreciate us, but he's actually considering demoting us. Hold on! we think. This isn't what I signed up for. This isn't right. I've followed God. Where is he now that I really need him? What happened to all the plans we made together?

We suffer because we mistakenly believe that God's goals and our goals are identical. Into this confusion and sorrow, your Savior, who isn't insensible to your pain, speaks. "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world" (John 16:33). We think, The fact that I'm going to have tribulation is quite obvious, thank you. And, its nice that you've overcome the world (whatever that means), but how does that help me right now?

The gospel dispels darkness and confusion. It tells me about him, about myself. It tells me that I am in him, and because that's my identity, I can have peace when peace is beyond comprehension. But my experience of peace in tribulation also grows more brightly as I remind myself of the things he taught (John 16:33). He taught these truths so that I might have peace; they shatter my misguided illusions: my selfish ambition, even for his kingdom, is not his goal. Washing feet is. I believe that a pleasant existence free from tribulation will bring me happiness. He teaches that fullness of joy is found in divesting myself of pride and idolatrous desire for pleasure, respect, and comfort.

I think that I am wise and know what's best. His plan confound the wisdom of the wisest man and flay him in the dust. I deceive myself into believing that I deserve better than this. He gently reminds me that I deserve an eternity of excruciating flame eating at my soul and separation from his Son.

Peace begins to fill my soul when I remember the truth of the gospel: I am more sinful and flawed than I ever dared believe, more loved and welcomed than I ever dared hope. I deserve less than nothing but have been given everything.

Jesus Christ has overcome the world. Although it seemed (and still seems) like night would eclipse the light, as though the "ruler of this world" would forever reign, the glorious radiance of the Son is seen with eyes of faith. Peace can flood outsold because our trust isn't misplaced. He has already overcome the world, and it will not triumph over him, and so, by implication, it will not triumph over us either because we are in union with him.

He resisted the temptation to prove his rightful place as Lord of the universe. He perfectly fulfilled every command of the law. He willingly laid down his life in our place and permanently threw open the doors of heaven. He sent the Holy Spirit to comfort and teach us. We're not alone; we're not orphans; he hasn't deserted us. And he has overcome the world through his conquest of our final enemy, death. The resurrection speaks powerfully into our lives when it seems as though the light is about to be extinguished. But this world isn't all there is. What we're seeing right now isn't the end. The one who said, "I have overcome the world," walked through the travail of Gethsemane. He was nailed to a tree, suffered, bled, and died. But then he rose again, breaking the bands of death, and walked with his disciples again. He had overcome! And now he is ruling and overruling at the seat of power by his Father's right hand, there in the flesh like mine and yours. Does it feel like night? Be of good cheer; morning will dawn. He has overcome the world.

From Comforts from the Cross by Elyse Fitzpatrick

A Letter to My Newlywed Self

Today I read a blog that I subscribe to called Hot, Holy & Humorous, and she had written a recent post that contained a letter that she wrote back in time to her newlywed self. She was inspired by the following letter that she'd read on another blog. This lady, Debi, wrote a letter with thoughts and advice for her 19-year-old newlywed self with the perspective she now has at age 54.

Dear Debi,
I know you are afraid of all the changes about to take place in your life–moving away from all that is familiar to embrace a new life with Tom. Having only dated for the past 8 months, it’s to be expected that you’re nervous. But God has given you everything you need to be the wife He has called you to be. There will be days ahead of loneliness and uncertainty, but God is going to use this time to draw you and Tom closer together.

You may think you know Tom, but the years ahead are going to reveal how much you don’t really know him. And he will soon discover that he doesn’t really know you either. Your romantic ideal will be tested because true love isn’t based on your ideals, but on reality. God has chosen Tom to be the one with whom you’ll share all of life–the good, the challenging and the heart-breaking moments. Be brutally honest and self-disclosing. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you into all Truth. Even when the truth you are discovering about your heart and Tom’s heart tempts you to despair.

God hasn’t brought you and Tom together to live a perfect life. He has brought you together to help you grow more in your relationship to each other and to God. As iron sharpens iron, so too, will your husband sharpen you.

Don’t neglect your relationship with the Lord. Allow Him to be the One you depend upon for all things. Your husband was never meant to be your Savior. He is your companion and the One with whom you will walk side-by-side closer to the Throne of Grace as each year passes, but only God can fill the role of Savior.

Children are going to attempt to put a wedge between you. Your time will be consumed with training the next generation, but don’t love them more than Tom. Be always conscious that your marriage is primary and lasts your entire lifetime, while the throes of parenting lasts only for 20 – 30 years. Be diligent to keep the home fires burning so that when your kids are grown you will have a strong friendship to support the changing season.

Seek others who can give you godly counsel as to how to be the best wife you can be. Read great books on marriage. Spend time praying for Tom daily. Do all you can to resist the temptation to hide your motives, your fears and your failures. Tom needs to know the real you, not the one you want him to see. Don’t worry so much about outward appearance, but focus on the heart. Let Tom teach you how to be a servant who doesn’t need the accolades of men.

You may not realize it now, but Tom will become a deep source of wisdom in your life. Don’t waste time second-guessing his leadership, but trust his ability to hear God. You may think he’s the man of your dreams, but you will discover he is much better than anything you could have ever dreamed or hoped for.

Most of all, don’t measure your marriage by the marriages of others. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Commit to love Tom more everyday regardless of how you feel, and find creative ways to express it. Be uninhibited and unashamed in your showing your love to him. Let your yes be YES, as often as you are able.

Enjoy your marriage and remember above all that it is a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. Every choice you make is meant to glorify God. Keep this as your focus, and it will enable you to do and say things that will build your marriage, instead of saying things that will tear it down.

Let God’s Word dwell in your heart richly. It has the power to lead you and guide you in your daily choices in a way nothing else can. It is the best marriage manual you will ever read. Heed it’s wisdom above all other earthly wisdom.

Most of all–delight yourself in the gift of marriage. Have fun and share what you discover with others!

If you do these things, you will be greatly blessed.

Sincerely,
Debi Gray Walter, age 54

Photo by Daniel LaBelle Photography

I decided to try my hand at writing a similar letter... with my first wedding anniversary only two days away (YAY for a year under our belts! I pray there are many more to go!), I thought it might be a good exercise. So, without further ado:

Dear Newlywed Christi,

I may not have much wisdom to share—it's only been a year. But I will share with you what I've learned so far.

Give him grace. No, more grace than that. No, no, even more than that. No, really, stop being so nitpicky. He may not have washed the dishes or ran that errand like you asked, but he's a godly man and he's working really hard to provide for you and your child (yep!)—just because he loves you. Remember this quote by Elisabeth Elliot's husband: “A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.” Remove the "or-else-ness" from your attitude toward Eric. Give him the grace you've been given. You will both be much happier. Be a blessing to the husband God gave you.

Trust God with the future. Clearly, I'm writing this letter to you, which means I'm still alive. And I can confirm that God has provided all I've needed. So all that worrying you're doing? It's really a waste of the precious time that you have so little of. Eric will find a good job in God's timing. You will have food to eat. God loves you more than you love yourself, so you don't need to worry! Really! Remember you can't trust your emotions. You CAN trust God. Don't doubt Him. You can't see the whole picture.

Breathe. It's really not the end of the world. Keep a quiet heart. Let your Jesus calm those fears. He's an expert at getting His people out of seemingly impossible situations. That's what He does. Remember the manna. And the kleenex. And Ruth! And Joseph! And Daniel! And those kids in the furnace!

Don't wait to serve the church together. It might seem that you don't have time, but when will any of us ever really have time? Serving together will strengthen your marriage. It really will! You don't have to sign up for every ministry—just pick a couple and do them well! It really will bless your relationship. And let your care group care for you. That's what they're there for. Be real with them.

Let God write your to-do list. Everything will be much more peaceful in your heart if you do. I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure there will not be a single day of your first year of marriage that you actually complete everything on your to-do list. LET THAT BE OK. Let God write your curriculum. Good lessons and good new relationships will come out of it. I promise.

You're going to get pregnant. And everything will change all around you. And that is ok. Less than a year from now, your friendships will change—some of your dearest will move away... some new friendships will slowly develop... some will marry or have children. You will become pregnant, and you will move to a new home unexpectedly in a bit of a whirlwind. It might feel lonely sometimes. It will feel exhausting a lot of the time. But let it all happen. Remember: let God write your curriculum. You will be ok.

Eric is the leader of your family. Also, Eric is not Jesus. Submit to him. Trust his leadership. Following his lead is trusting ultimately in God's provision. Encourage him when he takes steps of leadership. However, Eric is not Jesus. He will sometimes fail. He cannot save you. Lean on your Jesus and trust in Him always—when Eric is leading well, and when he is not. Jesus never fails, and He is the only One that can be your Savior.

Well, I've rambled on enough, I think! That's enough for one year of lessons.

Your older self,

Christi

What about you? If you could write a letter to your newlywed self, what would you write? Or what would you write to your younger self?

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

We had our 20-week ultrasound yesterday. What an experience! To see the little one that is growing inside my womb... there's nothing like it. Little hands with little fingers. A little brain with a little cerebellum and a little thalamus. A little belly with a tiny stomach and bladder inside. A tiny little beating heart—all 4 chambers fully developed, beating away at 140 beats per minute. Amazing. Breathtaking. 

I read in my daily pregnancy journal the following fact: "From Week 12 to Week 20, the placenta weighs as much as, if not more than, the baby, because it has to work hard to extract the nutrients from food and dispose of waste. The fetal organs are not sufficiently mature to process food."

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

These things got me thinking about what a wonderful creator God is! I mean, it's not like I'm really doing any of the "knitting"! I have the womb, sure, but this baby has just been hanging out in there for the past 20 weeks, growing away—developing organs and limbs, a heart and a brain. The placenta, as I read, has been taking care of sending my baby nutrients and disposing of waste. My body—and baby's body—are just doing all of these intricate, amazing, growing things... and I'm not doing much beyond eating a little more and watching it all happen before my eyes! Our Creator God is orchestrating all of the small details of the universe behind the scenes—and right before our eyes. And we silly humans sit around thinking we're all that and coming up with our silly theories.

As I consider these things, I find it just baffling

"...that people go to such elaborate lengths [such as the Big Bang theory] to avoid mentioning one vastly prior fundamental possibility that (surely?) stares them in the face: creation.

How much faith does it take to believe in God? Less, I venture to say—a great deal less—than to believe in the Unconscious generating the Conscious, Mindlessness creating Mind, Nothing giving birth to Something."

-Elisabeth Elliot

What a good, sovereign creator God we must have! This God who knows everything about us—including our sin—and yet died to rescue us because of His love.

Psalm 139:1-18:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

 "What we know of God we have seen in His Son. He in whom we are asked to trust is Love, creative Love; thinking of us, I suppose, before He thought of gravitational lenses; giving Himself in sacrificial love long before He gave us His own breath of life—for the Lamb was slain before the foundation of the world.

My Lord and my God. Forgive my faithlessness."

-Elisabeth Elliot