Wild Kratts Birthday Pictures

Each room of the house was a different animal habitat. Ocean

Arctic

Desert

Woods

Power disc cookies!

Power disc cookies!

She wanted to help with her tortuga cake. It came out great!

Our Dory & Nemo Themed Birthday Party

We just had a great Nemo & Dory-themed 4th birthday party for our kiddo! Here are some of the ideas we used—feel free to use them as inspiration for your own Nemo & Dory party!

This homemade piñata took FOREVER, but it was a blast!

Party favors!

The fish net and fish bowl added a lot to a simple snack.

This is the recipe I used for the blue velvet cake

For the cake toppers, I used these bath toys.

For the room decor, I got this kit for only $5 on Amazon.

My Birth Testimony: A TOLAC Success Story - Part 2

Birth #2: A Second Chance. And a Chance to Trust Him.

Before reading, check out Part 1 here.

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In August 2015, we found out we were pregnant again!

I'd known since the day I had my daughter that I'd want to try for a VBAC (vaginal birth after cesarean). I also knew I would need to go with a different provider if that endeavor were to have any chance at success. 

So I opted for a group of midwives in Milwaukee (45 minutes away). They came highly recommended by the doulas in my ICAN group.

I could tell at my prenatal appointments that this experience would be totally different. They had a very mom-centered approach to childbirth.

I hired an amazing doula (Amanda).

I did everything a woman should do if she is trying for a VBAC.

And then the day arrived!

Here's how it all went down. It's a long story, because it was a long labor.

Saturday, May 7, 2016

6:00 pm (hour 0)
Contractions became regular and increasingly stronger while we celebrated an early Mother's Day with Eric's parents.

9:00 pm (hour 3)
JM was in bed for the night after I dawdled putting her to bed because I knew this was the last time I would with her being my only baby. I tried to sleep as best I could despite increasing contractions.

Sunday, May 8, 2016 (Mother's Day)

4:00am (hour 10)
I could no longer sleep through contractions. They were 4 minutes apart and a minute long, which is typically indicative of active labor. So we called my in-laws and our doula and headed to the hospital (a 45-min drive). Amanda met us there.

6:30am (hour 12.5)
It was determined that, though completely effaced, I was only 1/2 cm dilated. How discouraging! But, I was trusting God—and my providers—to help me persevere. We walked around the hospital for a bit to try and move things along. We also grabbed some breakfast.

8:00am (hour 14)
I was still only 1 cm, so we went ahead with a membrane sweep, and they told me to leave the hospital until things progressed further (How will I know if things have progressed further if I'm already having contractions 4 minutes apart?!?!). Amanda went home to rest up for when we needed her most.

9:30am-2:00pm (hours 15.5-20)
Eric and I took a nap in the car, then walked around Milwaukee for a while (didn't want to drive all the way home just to have to drive all the way back). We walked around the Marquette campus (Eric gave me a tour of his alma mater), while I did some exercises that my doula sent me.

It was a beautiful day and laboring in the sunshine on that beautiful campus was therapeutic for me. The tulips were in full bloom, and the way the sun hit them had them shining golden, violet, and red like jewels.

I would close my eyes and lift my face to the sun during contractions, and I could feel God's tender care for me through the warmth and light. These moments were glimpses of the "ideal birth" I'd always pictured: intensely painful, to the point that it brought me into some other realm of being where I could commune with God and fall completely dependent into His arms.

Eric and I held hands and talked about anything and everything. It was like your typical perfect date... um, except for the being in labor part. That part was not typical date material.

By the time we finished our sweet onion chicken teriyaki sub from Subway, my head was swirling with the pain, contractions were closer, and it all felt unbearable.

2:30pm (hour 20.5)
We went back to the hospital, where they found I was at 1.5 cm (womp womp). They brought me to a labor and delivery room (even though I was still technically not admitted) because triage was full. They wondered if baby was nudged in wrong, hindering dilation—possibly posterior. So I labored on a birthing ball, continued doing the Miles circuit as best I could, and also tried to get some rest.

6:30pm (hour 24.5)
I was sent home for the night. Things were simply not progressing very quickly. Despite it feeling otherwise, I was still in early labor. But going home only produced a ton of anxiety for me. I felt like I was going backwards.

7:30pm (hour 25.5)
When we got home, the neighbors were having a huge, loud party (seriously—there was even a bouncy house). Some kids were coming into our yard, and I yelled at them as if I was a grumpy old man. Our landlord (who lives upstairs) saw us arrive and was concerned there was no baby yet. All of our parents were there because they were switching who was watching our daughter. It was good to see them and to see my little lady, but the commotion was more than I could handle being in labor. Soon enough everyone left and the party next-door died down. I ate some lasagna from the freezer.

9:00pm (hour 27)
I called my angel chiropractor and met her at her office way after hours for a middle-of-labor adjustment to try and get my little guy in the right position to descend. I then tried to get some sleep—and failed miserably.

11:00pm (hour 29)
Around midnight things got super-intense. I couldn't handle the contractions. They were super-long, and I wasn't getting any breaks in between them. I could no longer breathe through them well on my own. Life was basically one big contraction at this point. So we went back to the hospital. I called my doula, who joined us there—again.

Monday, May 9, 2016

12:00am-3:00am (hour 30-33)
I was 1.5 cm and stayed in triage for a while with Nancy, the midwife who was on shift at that point.

4:00am (hour 34)
I was finally admitted to the hospital at 2 cm after baby descended a bit more.

5:00-6:30am (hours 35-36.5)
I got to labor in the whirlpool. I finally got to relax for a while. It was so desperately needed. I'm so grateful I had an opportunity to labor there. My exhausted mind melted into the twinkle lights on the ceiling. I think I may have even gotten some sleep.

6:30-8:30am (hours 36.5-38.5)
I rested in bed, as my contractions had become much more spaced out after the whirlpool (good for resting, bad for progressing). Nicole (one of the midwives I hadn't met and hands-down the best midwife I had the whole time, which is saying a lot because they were all great) came on shift. God was gracious to place her there for this part of my labor. She was amazing. She even let me order oatmeal (which was a big accomplishment, believe me)!

9:30am (hour 39.5)
Nicole took about an hour to thoroughly discuss with me my options for either getting some more rest or speeding things along. I could do some walking (which hadn't accomplished much of anything up to this point), go home (we all saw how poorly that went last time), do therapeutic rest (morphine so you can sleep, essentially), or induce with Pitocin. I opted for induction, as I have had adverse reactions to narcotics in the past and had a relatively high Bishop score that indicated conditions for induction were favorable (basically every factor was cooperating except dilation, which was still only at 4 cm).

11:00am-9:00pm (hour 41-51)
I labored this way all day, for about 10 hours. I spent some time in the shower, and tried many positions in the bed. Labor definitely intensified during this time since they were now Pitocin contractions. I had a lot of back labor, and during every contraction Nicole, Eric, or Amanda would push on my back for counterpressure, which felt so good (relatively speaking, anyway). I could hardly bear contractions without that each time. I really, really wanted to have my Bible verses for labor read to me during this time, but we couldn't find them in our bag. I was disheartened and frustrated about it, but didn't have the wherewithal to communicate how much I needed them. By 8:00pm I was at 4 cm, fully effaced, and at -1 station.

9:00pm (hour 51)
At this point I opted for an epidural. Fatigue was a bigger enemy than any potential results of an epidural. I had the best epidural EVER. The doctor who did my epidural was a total sweetheart—complete night and day from the snarky anesthesiologist who had done the epidural for my first birth. I could barely feel the contractions but was still able to use my legs well enough to change positions pretty easily on my own! I slept well that night, and woke every hour or two to switch sides since gravity was causing the epi to lose effectiveness on either side after a while.

Tuesday, May 10, 2016

2:30am (hour 56.5)
We decided to have them break my water and put in an internal monitor to better regulate the Pitocin.

5:30am (hour 59.5)
My IV came out so they put in a new one. They also topped off my epidural since I started to feel too much. Rockstar Amanda went home for a while to care for her kids and get some rest. My backup doula, Eleanor, arrived (she has a British accent, which is essentially always a calming thing).

7:00am (hour 61)
I measured 6 cm. Baby was at -1 station and had some caput (scalp) swelling. Midwife Paul came on shift. I continued to labor in various positions. There were a couple times that baby's heart rate decelerated, which brought in crews of OBs and nurses to help me change position and monitor him until things improved. Those moments were a little scary. We started to wonder what might be causing that and trying different positions to get him off his cord.

8:00am (hour 62)
I reached 7 cm—the point at which labor had stalled with my first labor.

12:00pm (hour 66)
I was 9.5cm and 100% effaced! It seemed like it'd be happening soon! Things were getting so close. Eleanor left and Amanda returned.

1:30pm (hour 67.5)
Things were not looking good. Baby had more swelling on his head, and things had regressed to 9cm and 70%. Something was causing the little guy to move back up instead of descending properly. Paul recommended a c-section. We agreed and opted for the cesarean. We knew something wasn't going right for our baby and just knew it was the right decision. I asked for some time alone with Eric and Amanda.

When all staff had gone, Eric came over and held me in his arms. I cried and cried and cried. I had peace about the decision, but was still grieving the loss of the VBAC I'd wanted. I asked Eric to tell me true things, and he preached the Gospel to me, reminding me who (and Whose) I am. The OB stopped in, asking if I was ready, and I said that I needed a little more time. It was so very good to have the time I needed to cry and grieve in the moment. I'm grateful to have had the realization to know I needed it, and the strength—even after 68 hours of labor—to ask for it. Besides that little "intrusion" from the OB, I did not feel rushed to finish the grieving I needed to do.

3:00pm (hour 69)
They prepped me for the cesarean. I was able to feel too much when they tested the epidural strength so I had to be too drugged to remember the actual operation.

3:53pm (hour 70)
Little Man was born at 3:53pm!

I'd hoped for a family-centered c-section where I'd be awake, have immediate skin-to-skin, etc. That didn't happen because I was essentially on another planet during the surgery. But the first thing I remember upon "coming to" was having my baby placed on my chest to nurse—a welcome change from last time.

While doing the surgery, they found two things that could have been catastrophic had we continued to labor much longer: Baby's cord had a knot in it. (He was a little blue, needed oxygen, and his 1-minute APGAR was only 5.)

AND, my uterine scar had a 7cm window in it that could have become a rupture! So, all in all, it's obvious that God was protecting us, and I'm thankful that He very clearly showed us WHY, which He didn't have to do.

Yes, it was still really disappointing to have another cesarean. And, given the circumstances, all my providers agreed that in the future I should only have cesarean birth(s), which was also disappointing news, as I know that only increases potential risks and complications... and major surgery is no walk in the park.

But, I'm grateful for God's protection and His clarity in showing me the "why" and in clearly closing that door. In some ways, it'a a relief to at least know the door is closed, so I can fully grieve and move on. I will always wonder what would have happened had I had a different experience with birth #1 (what if I'd been able to wait for labor to begin naturally, what if I'd waited to agree to the c-section to see if things progressed more, etc.), but I simply must take this as an opportunity to trust that God knows what he's doing and allowed all of it to happen that way for a reason. He could have given me more knowledge about my options back then, but He didn't for a reason. And I know my God, and I know He's trustworthy and perfect. I know He's faithful. So, despite the questions, in the end, that's all I need to know.

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read part 3 here....

My Birth Testimony: A TOLAC Success Story - Part 1

NOTE: If you are currently expecting your first baby, you may want to use caution in proceeding with reading this. Just because I had a traumatic experience with my first birth does not mean you want to hear about it in this season of your life!

Did I have a second c-section? 

Yes. 

Was my TOLAC (Trial of Labor After Cesarean) successful? 

Yes. 

The two are not mutually exclusive. 

After my second birth, my doula pointed me to the Surrender Birth website. She encouraged me to write a birth testimony. 

Thing is, my birth testimony starts about three years ago, when we were newly pregnant with #1...

Birth #1 and My Heart

We found out we were pregnant with our little Poppyseed in May 2013. Hooray! 

Like many women, I started excitedly making plans. I figured I should probably get in to see a doctor soon, so I asked a few friends for recommendations and picked an OB who seemed good and was in my network. 

In retrospect, I wish I'd taken a lot more time to choose the right provider for me and my birth. Many OB's in the United States today are simply do not have the same birth philosophy I do. Or, perhaps a better way to say it is that most are in a different place on the natural birth/medical intervention spectrum than where I'm at on the spectrum. 

But I didn't know. I didn't know that provider and place make a HUGE difference in your birth experience.

Or I underestimated how important it would be to me to have a positive birth experience.

Or perhaps it was simply that I wasn't used to how very medical everything is when you are at the hospital... I just wasn't prepared for IV's, BP cuffs going every 15 minutes, nurses coming an and out every time I closed my eyes to rest...

There's so much more I could say than the following, but the story of birth #1 is as follows:

I had a very traumatic birth experience. I had wanted a completely natural, unmedicated, vaginal birth. Unfortunately, this dream of a natural birth was shattered. 

Worse, I did not often feel respected, valued, or genuinely cared for as a patient during my six days at the hospital. I truly believe that no one person, but rather the system in place, is at fault for this outcome.

After my water broke on January 27, 2014, we headed straight to the hospital to be induced (as instructed). After about 9-10 hours of laboring this way (which included sweet moments of God bringing Scripture to mind as I labored), I opted for an epidural (those nasty Pitocin contractions!). Around 36 hours after my water had broken, they told me I had been at 7cm for several hours. They thought I should have a c-section because "things weren't progressing." 

So I did what they said. Because I figured it's probably best to listen to the doctor. I didn't know there were other equally safe options. 

I hadn't written an "in case of c-section" birth plan. Because I didn't know there are different ways to do c-sections. They didn't cover that in the hospital birth class.

And I sobbed the whole way to the operating room.

Laying, cold, on a hard operating table.

In a fog, spiraling amidst bustling.

Then, baby cries!

No one said "It's a girl!" I had to ask. And ask. And ask. Repeatedly.

No snuggles.

No celebrating.

Just a brief glance.

And then whisking my baby away.

Then waiting over an hour before I got to see my husband or by baby.

In the following days...

Nurses waltzing into the bathroom talking on the phone while I'm peeing and would like privacy.

People making me look at paperwork while I'm attempting to nurse and bond with my new daughter.

Nurses asking me, without explanation to breathe into an incentive spirometer while I'm trying to talk with my doctor.

This is a once-in-a-lifetime event I'll remember all my life. 

And for them, it seems just another day in the grind. 

And I sobbed a lot for a long time afterward.

That week in the hospital was the most traumatic experience of my life. I wrote this to a friend about a month later. It gives a pretty accurate picture of how things were for me in the early days after that experience:

It's been a lot to process, because labor and delivery did not go at all how I wanted. I was writing in my journal the other day everything I could remember from my time there, and I realized that I'm angry, because I hardly remember what it was like to hold and feed my baby for the first time. And just the way things are run at hospitals, I felt like I couldn't just be together with my family and enjoy bonding with our new baby.

She really felt like a stranger at first. Our second night at home, I remember sitting on my husband's lap and just sobbing that I just wanted her to go away because she was an intruder and I just wanted to watch a movie with my husband and then go to bed and sleep all night like we'd always done. And then I felt like a terrible mother for thinking such terrible things about my baby.

But things have gotten better now. There was one day that I realized that, since I'm not just doing motherhood for my husband or for my daughter or for myself, but because it is what God has called me to do... that made it easier to do. I don't know if I could have the strength for it otherwise.

It's still hard sometimes. I'm actually sick with sinus stuff right now, so I'm really hoping the baby doesn't catch it. Yay for antibodies in breast milk :) Today was a hard day because my head hurt so much and was all in a fog, so I was not a very attentive mommy... but there was one sweet, cherishable moment when I looked at JM and said, "Sorry I'm being a lame mommy today, sweetie." And she looked at me and gave a big smile :) I'm really glad that happened today in particular.

Grieving it took a long time. I joined the local ICAN chapter. I realized I'm not the only one who has had a disappointing birth experience. I wrote letters to some of the doctors and nurses who were there for my labor and delivery. I met many friends who were grieving their births, too. And when I talked with them, they understood: I needed permission to grieve.

"You should be happy! You have a healthy baby!" Many say.

I may have a healthy baby. But that does not mean I don't have a loss to grieve.

Birth is something inherently part of who a woman is. 

This is something I'm supposed to be able to do! 

This is something women just do.

Why can't I?

I fought bitterness, anger, and feelings of failure for a long time.

I still do, a little bit.

(In retrospect, I've come to realize that I also may have had postpartum depression. I know now that PPD is more common after c-sections and is more common than you might think).

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to be continued....  

(and don't worry; the story gets much happier from here — read Part 2 here)

Five Reasons to Respect Marriage

This morning, I stumbled upon an article entitled Top 5 Reasons Not to Get Married by Krystal Baugher. I was so sad when I read it!

I wasn't sad because this woman is choosing not to marry. I think that singleness can be a wonderful thing, and can be a good gift from God. (I'm thinking of several singles from my church who are accomplishing great things with their lives that married folks do not have the time/ability to accomplish.)

I was sad because Miss Baugher is completely missing the beautiful design God has for marriage! Please don't read this as me being somehow angry with this writer. I'm not. I'm angry with sin. I'm angry with our culture and what it had taught people about life, love, and sexuality. I'm angry that Krystal has learned by the things she sees that having this attitude toward marriage is the best way.

Because it isn't. It just isn't.

So, I hope to present the case for marriage as it was intended, by using Miss Baugher's article as a springboard.


1) The Beauty of God's Design (in response to The Pains of Patriarchy)

Krystal says that the tradition of a father "giving his daughter away" is oppressive:

This ritual, both historically and symbolically, gives the woman away as if she is a piece of property that a man is privileged enough to own.

It is true that our history has included innumerable instances of women being unjustly treated. Frankly, feminism hasn't fixed that. If you think it has, consider how much the pornography industry has grown in recent years, and what that has done to men and women.

The tradition of giving a daughter away is truly beautiful. It exemplifies God's design to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

God's design is not for husbands to control their wives! A godly marriage can be a beautiful picture of the way Christ loves the Church—so long as husband and wife both have this understanding of the meaning behind marriage. John Piper says it well:

Headship is not a right to command and control. It's a responsibility to love like Christ: to lay down your life for your wife in servant leadership. And submission is not slavish or coerced or cowering. That's not the way Christ wants the church to respond to his leadership: he wants it to be free and willing and glad and refining and strengthening.

2) Someone to Live Life With (in response to I must find my prince and ride off into the sunset?)

Krystal brings up two different ideas under her second point. I'll address them both.

First, she states that "the idea of finding our 'one true love' is embedded in us all from a very early age." No argument there! Believe me—Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid were my two favorite movies growing up. This concept is all over just about every romantic movie out there.

The solution, however, is not to break out of the bounds of this thing she calls "heterosexual normativity." The solution is simply to recognize that, while there may not be someone out there who is our "soul mate," should we choose to marry, we can redeem "true love" to be all it was meant to be: a sacrificial, imitating-Christ love. Giving your life to another. For life. Finding someone to live life with—someone who loves God and who will lead us closer to Him.

Second, Krystal quotes the following:

“Most of the discourses on sex, be they religious, psychiatric, popular, or political, delimit a very small portion of human sexual capacity as sanctifiable, safe, healthy, mature, legal, or politically correct. The ‘line’ distinguishes these from all other erotic behaviours, which are understood to be the work of the devil, dangerous, psychopathological, infantile, or politically reprehensible. Arguments are then conducted over ‘where to draw the line’, and to determine what other activities, if any, may be permitted to cross over into acceptability.”

Beware this kind of thinking! Would you agree that there needs to be some sort of moral standard? If you don't draw the line somewhere... is pedophilia ok, then? What about bestiality? What if you bring this concept into other areas? Is it ok to kill someone for no reason? Why not?

See how this becomes a dangerous place to be? Maybe, just maybe, the reason why there are arguments over where to draw the line is because people have an innate sense that there must be some sort of moral standard in the world. And how could that sense get into our minds unless Someone put it there?

Bringing this back to marriage... maybe there's a better way. I would argue that there's much more enjoyment and beauty when sticking with one sexual partner for life:

The benefits of monogamy are huge, and they include better sex.

Experts say you get really great at something when you’ve put in 10,000 hours of practice. For instance, that piano player who can totally rock a Mozart or Vivaldi or Chopin tune. But imagine that you kept changing his instrument — piano, violin, percussion, trombone, etc. Would he be immediately as good at playing those other instruments? Not likely. In a covenant marriage, you get a lifetime to learn love with your particular partner, to try many different things, and to perfect your lovemaking. You can become quite the maestro!

Focus on the mate you chose. Invest yourself fully in this One True Love. Even if your original, natural bent felt a little more Don Juan than Romeo. Monogamous, covenant marriage, and awesome sex within, is God’s beautiful design, and the payoff is worth the investment.

More on monogamy now...

3) Monogamy, Beauty (in response to Monogamy, Monotony)

Krystal says:

Half of the people who tie the knot end up needing to untie it later—and usually it’s a really tight knotty knot that is difficult and expensive to untangle.

And I’m the weirdo for not wanting to be a part of that?

People get married because they’re told over and over again that this is the way it’s done, and yet over and over again it isn’t being done right (and obviously not for the right reasons).

I mostly agree (except the part about "needing" to untie the knot, and about why people get married). The whole purpose of marriage is that it should be a "really tight knotty knot"! Marriage is, by definition, a vow to remain committed and faithful to one's spouse for life. And, yes, marriage is unfortunately often entered into for the wrong reasons. Plus, we're sinners, so God's design for marriage has been drastically and tragically distorted.

Marriage is meant to reflect Christ's love for His Church. I'm so glad that God does not have the same attitude toward us that we so often sinfully have toward one another. I'm so glad He doesn't say: "Well, I love you, but only so long as you do what I want, make me feel fulfilled, and do everything you can to make me happy. I love you so long as I feel in love with you and think you're attractive." 

No, "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." I'm so glad God loves us with a covenantal, unconditional love.

So, are we naturally monogamous? No, I don't think we are.

Monogamy is not natural. You’re right about that. 

It’s supernatural.

But is monogamy a good thing? Matt Walsh helps us think rightly about this:

I have found a woman who will be with me until I die, even while my hair falls out and my skin shrivels and wrinkles, even when I stumble, even when I fail, even through the doldrums of daily existence, through bills and dirty diapers, through all things — joyous or miserable, pleasing or painful — through every day until death comes. Why should it be hard for me to simply refrain from tossing such a gift into the garbage?...

If you won 600 million dollars in the lottery, would you go out the next day and break into cars to steal the change from the cup holders? That’s what sleeping around is like when you’ve already found a woman who will pledge her life and her entire being to you for the remainder of her existence.

Photo by Daniel LaBelle Photography

4) Lasting Benefits (in response to Benefits for Whom?)

In her fourth point, Krystal says, "I don’t think health care should be a high priority for a major decision like marriage."

I don't have much to say on this topic, other than that I don't think so, either. If you want to marry someone, don't do it for the healthcare benefits or tax breaks.

No, if you want to marry someone, do it because you have decided to make a lifelong commitment to that person. Do it because you want to love your spouse sacrificially and unconditionally. Do it because you want to be a blessing to your spouse by being a picture of Christ to him or her. Those are the lasting benefits of marriage.


5) Better for the Children—and Us (in response to *F* the Children)

Miss Baugher states the following:

We’re all really sensitive about our children, but guess what? We are the children, your parents are the children, your grandparents are the children.

This is, in one sense, a valid point. We all at one time were the children. I was once a child. And, boy, am I grateful that my parents gave me a stable childhood and exemplified a faithful, monogamous marriage. I'm so glad that I never had to experience the ravages of divorced parents, or the confusion of unmarried parents. So, yes, we once were the children.

There are statistics everywhere that prove that children who come from traditional families with loving, involved mothers and fathers experience less mental illness, less substance abuse, more economic opportunity... the list goes on and on. I don't think that this is a coincidence.

She also points out that children "are not innocent vessels of pure moral order." This is also true. They are sinners, like us all. That is why is is so crucial to be an example to them of what is good, noble, and right. It is so important to train them up to love God and the way He ordered things. It is imperative to show them what committed, sacrificial love looks like. Because they are sinners, too, and don't we want them to enjoy life the way it was designed, not experience the ravages of sin and death?

Krystal also asks,

When will we do what’s right for us instead of for some hypothetical person who hasn’t been born yet?

Well, that's just selfish (would you use this reasoning when talking about whether we should take care of the environment?). Besides, doing things God's way is not only better for "the children." It's better for us, too. And none of this is about us anyway.

Photo by Heather McKittrick Photography

Conclusion

Miss Baugher's article made me sad because it exemplified the way of thinking of so many in our culture today. So many people are missing the beauty of marriage as God designed it. It's affecting our culture, our worldview, our children, you name it. Marriage is meant to be so much more—so much better—than we so often think! Let's redeem our marriages and make them all that God intended—for His glory and for our benefit, too!

While it would be wrong to conclude that marriage is everyone’s answer to the “it is not good for man to be alone” problem, it is humanity’s answer in general and was the institution that God gave us to solve this trouble. It is and has been God’s delight and design that each of us come into His world through the communion, love and commitment of a husband and a wife. (The Family Project Blog)

I did not get married to (in Krystal's words) fulfill my "duty to be “princess” for a day (and wife for my life)." I got married because I wanted to love and be loved the way Christ loves. My husband and I don't do that perfectly, but we are committed to getting better at it for the rest of our lives. Why would I choose the loneliness and confusion of sexual "freedom" or sleeping around, or whatever else... if I can instead choose a life of deep, faithful love?

So, please, don't settle for our culture's view of marriage! Embrace God's design. There is so much more joy and satisfaction to be experienced when we respect and honor the way God designed things.

________________

6/2 Update:

Given several comments I've gotten about this post, I feel the need to address something:

I recognize that the core issue behind why Krystal and I disagree is that we (very likely) differ in our worldviews (i.e. the lenses through which we view the world). I understand that she is not likely to change her views on marriage without a change in worldview. I am also not likely to change my views on marriage without a change in worldview (which isn't going to happen). 

I believe that there is a God who has always been. He is holy. He created the universe and everything in it. He is a God of love, mercy, and justice. He is the only being worthy of worship. I believe that humanity is fallen. We are sinners. We can't meet God's standard of holiness. I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of this Living, holy God, and He was sent to the earth to redeem us through the sacrifice of His life in our place, so that we could be reconciled to God and live with Him forever in heaven. I believe that anyone who puts their trust in Him can experience this reconciliation. I believe that the Bible is Truth.

That is my worldview. And that is why I view marriage the way I do.

You may choose a different worldview. I simply encourage you to study up on your options, considering what you find is True, not only what you want to be true (I can say I don't want to believe in gravity, but that doesn't make it any less real). I encourage you to be sure about what you believe about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, heaven, hell, and eternity. Because eternity is a really long time—much longer than this life you are living now. 

"Leave nothing unsettled that is eternal." –J.C. Ryle

A Letter to My Newlywed Self

Today I read a blog that I subscribe to called Hot, Holy & Humorous, and she had written a recent post that contained a letter that she wrote back in time to her newlywed self. She was inspired by the following letter that she'd read on another blog. This lady, Debi, wrote a letter with thoughts and advice for her 19-year-old newlywed self with the perspective she now has at age 54.

Dear Debi,
I know you are afraid of all the changes about to take place in your life–moving away from all that is familiar to embrace a new life with Tom. Having only dated for the past 8 months, it’s to be expected that you’re nervous. But God has given you everything you need to be the wife He has called you to be. There will be days ahead of loneliness and uncertainty, but God is going to use this time to draw you and Tom closer together.

You may think you know Tom, but the years ahead are going to reveal how much you don’t really know him. And he will soon discover that he doesn’t really know you either. Your romantic ideal will be tested because true love isn’t based on your ideals, but on reality. God has chosen Tom to be the one with whom you’ll share all of life–the good, the challenging and the heart-breaking moments. Be brutally honest and self-disclosing. Allow the Holy Spirit to guide you into all Truth. Even when the truth you are discovering about your heart and Tom’s heart tempts you to despair.

God hasn’t brought you and Tom together to live a perfect life. He has brought you together to help you grow more in your relationship to each other and to God. As iron sharpens iron, so too, will your husband sharpen you.

Don’t neglect your relationship with the Lord. Allow Him to be the One you depend upon for all things. Your husband was never meant to be your Savior. He is your companion and the One with whom you will walk side-by-side closer to the Throne of Grace as each year passes, but only God can fill the role of Savior.

Children are going to attempt to put a wedge between you. Your time will be consumed with training the next generation, but don’t love them more than Tom. Be always conscious that your marriage is primary and lasts your entire lifetime, while the throes of parenting lasts only for 20 – 30 years. Be diligent to keep the home fires burning so that when your kids are grown you will have a strong friendship to support the changing season.

Seek others who can give you godly counsel as to how to be the best wife you can be. Read great books on marriage. Spend time praying for Tom daily. Do all you can to resist the temptation to hide your motives, your fears and your failures. Tom needs to know the real you, not the one you want him to see. Don’t worry so much about outward appearance, but focus on the heart. Let Tom teach you how to be a servant who doesn’t need the accolades of men.

You may not realize it now, but Tom will become a deep source of wisdom in your life. Don’t waste time second-guessing his leadership, but trust his ability to hear God. You may think he’s the man of your dreams, but you will discover he is much better than anything you could have ever dreamed or hoped for.

Most of all, don’t measure your marriage by the marriages of others. Love is a choice, not a feeling. Commit to love Tom more everyday regardless of how you feel, and find creative ways to express it. Be uninhibited and unashamed in your showing your love to him. Let your yes be YES, as often as you are able.

Enjoy your marriage and remember above all that it is a reflection of Christ’s love for the church. Every choice you make is meant to glorify God. Keep this as your focus, and it will enable you to do and say things that will build your marriage, instead of saying things that will tear it down.

Let God’s Word dwell in your heart richly. It has the power to lead you and guide you in your daily choices in a way nothing else can. It is the best marriage manual you will ever read. Heed it’s wisdom above all other earthly wisdom.

Most of all–delight yourself in the gift of marriage. Have fun and share what you discover with others!

If you do these things, you will be greatly blessed.

Sincerely,
Debi Gray Walter, age 54

Photo by Daniel LaBelle Photography

I decided to try my hand at writing a similar letter... with my first wedding anniversary only two days away (YAY for a year under our belts! I pray there are many more to go!), I thought it might be a good exercise. So, without further ado:

Dear Newlywed Christi,

I may not have much wisdom to share—it's only been a year. But I will share with you what I've learned so far.

Give him grace. No, more grace than that. No, no, even more than that. No, really, stop being so nitpicky. He may not have washed the dishes or ran that errand like you asked, but he's a godly man and he's working really hard to provide for you and your child (yep!)—just because he loves you. Remember this quote by Elisabeth Elliot's husband: “A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.” Remove the "or-else-ness" from your attitude toward Eric. Give him the grace you've been given. You will both be much happier. Be a blessing to the husband God gave you.

Trust God with the future. Clearly, I'm writing this letter to you, which means I'm still alive. And I can confirm that God has provided all I've needed. So all that worrying you're doing? It's really a waste of the precious time that you have so little of. Eric will find a good job in God's timing. You will have food to eat. God loves you more than you love yourself, so you don't need to worry! Really! Remember you can't trust your emotions. You CAN trust God. Don't doubt Him. You can't see the whole picture.

Breathe. It's really not the end of the world. Keep a quiet heart. Let your Jesus calm those fears. He's an expert at getting His people out of seemingly impossible situations. That's what He does. Remember the manna. And the kleenex. And Ruth! And Joseph! And Daniel! And those kids in the furnace!

Don't wait to serve the church together. It might seem that you don't have time, but when will any of us ever really have time? Serving together will strengthen your marriage. It really will! You don't have to sign up for every ministry—just pick a couple and do them well! It really will bless your relationship. And let your care group care for you. That's what they're there for. Be real with them.

Let God write your to-do list. Everything will be much more peaceful in your heart if you do. I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty sure there will not be a single day of your first year of marriage that you actually complete everything on your to-do list. LET THAT BE OK. Let God write your curriculum. Good lessons and good new relationships will come out of it. I promise.

You're going to get pregnant. And everything will change all around you. And that is ok. Less than a year from now, your friendships will change—some of your dearest will move away... some new friendships will slowly develop... some will marry or have children. You will become pregnant, and you will move to a new home unexpectedly in a bit of a whirlwind. It might feel lonely sometimes. It will feel exhausting a lot of the time. But let it all happen. Remember: let God write your curriculum. You will be ok.

Eric is the leader of your family. Also, Eric is not Jesus. Submit to him. Trust his leadership. Following his lead is trusting ultimately in God's provision. Encourage him when he takes steps of leadership. However, Eric is not Jesus. He will sometimes fail. He cannot save you. Lean on your Jesus and trust in Him always—when Eric is leading well, and when he is not. Jesus never fails, and He is the only One that can be your Savior.

Well, I've rambled on enough, I think! That's enough for one year of lessons.

Your older self,

Christi

What about you? If you could write a letter to your newlywed self, what would you write? Or what would you write to your younger self?

Fearfully & Wonderfully Made

We had our 20-week ultrasound yesterday. What an experience! To see the little one that is growing inside my womb... there's nothing like it. Little hands with little fingers. A little brain with a little cerebellum and a little thalamus. A little belly with a tiny stomach and bladder inside. A tiny little beating heart—all 4 chambers fully developed, beating away at 140 beats per minute. Amazing. Breathtaking. 

I read in my daily pregnancy journal the following fact: "From Week 12 to Week 20, the placenta weighs as much as, if not more than, the baby, because it has to work hard to extract the nutrients from food and dispose of waste. The fetal organs are not sufficiently mature to process food."

"For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13

These things got me thinking about what a wonderful creator God is! I mean, it's not like I'm really doing any of the "knitting"! I have the womb, sure, but this baby has just been hanging out in there for the past 20 weeks, growing away—developing organs and limbs, a heart and a brain. The placenta, as I read, has been taking care of sending my baby nutrients and disposing of waste. My body—and baby's body—are just doing all of these intricate, amazing, growing things... and I'm not doing much beyond eating a little more and watching it all happen before my eyes! Our Creator God is orchestrating all of the small details of the universe behind the scenes—and right before our eyes. And we silly humans sit around thinking we're all that and coming up with our silly theories.

As I consider these things, I find it just baffling

"...that people go to such elaborate lengths [such as the Big Bang theory] to avoid mentioning one vastly prior fundamental possibility that (surely?) stares them in the face: creation.

How much faith does it take to believe in God? Less, I venture to say—a great deal less—than to believe in the Unconscious generating the Conscious, Mindlessness creating Mind, Nothing giving birth to Something."

-Elisabeth Elliot

What a good, sovereign creator God we must have! This God who knows everything about us—including our sin—and yet died to rescue us because of His love.

Psalm 139:1-18:

O Lord, you have searched me and known me!

You know when I sit down and when I rise up;

you discern my thoughts from afar.

You search out my path and my lying down

and are acquainted with all my ways.

Even before a word is on my tongue,

behold, O Lord, you know it altogether.

You hem me in, behind and before,

and lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;

it is high; I cannot attain it.

Where shall I go from your Spirit?

Or where shall I flee from your presence?

If I ascend to heaven, you are there!

If I make my bed in Sheol, you are there!

If I take the wings of the morning

and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,

even there your hand shall lead me,

and your right hand shall hold me.

If I say, “Surely the darkness shall cover me,

and the light about me be night,”

even the darkness is not dark to you;

the night is bright as the day,

for darkness is as light with you.

For you formed my inward parts;

you knitted me together in my mother's womb.

I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.

Wonderful are your works;

my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,

when I was being made in secret,

intricately woven in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;

in your book were written, every one of them,

the days that were formed for me,

when as yet there was none of them.

How precious to me are your thoughts, O God!

How vast is the sum of them!

If I would count them, they are more than the sand.

I awake, and I am still with you.

 "What we know of God we have seen in His Son. He in whom we are asked to trust is Love, creative Love; thinking of us, I suppose, before He thought of gravitational lenses; giving Himself in sacrificial love long before He gave us His own breath of life—for the Lamb was slain before the foundation of the world.

My Lord and my God. Forgive my faithlessness."

-Elisabeth Elliot 

An Announcement and a Creamy Potato Soup Recipe

First, an announcement:

We're pregnant!

Most of the readers of this blog probably already know, but I thought I'd make it blog-official.

A berry special baby is coming! (Photo by Heather)

Our little "Poppyseed," as we affectionately call this little one

Eric loves Poppyseed. And Mama. (Photo by Heather)

Second trimester just began two days ago!

I'm sure there will be more posts to be written about pregnancy, morning (or all-day) sickness, trusting God in it all, you name it.

For now, I'll share the recipe we had for dinner tonight. I'm especially excited about it for multiple reasons:

1. I love soup right now (even though it's summertime). Nothing better than soup in this nauseated season (except pineapple and raspberries... hmm... now I want to make a smoothie).
2. The nausea is slowly subsiding, and I've actually started cooking things again for the first time in a month or two. Things from scratch! That are made of things like fresh vegetables! Hooray!
3. I made fun modifications to a recipe I found, so it's kind of my own creation!

So, here it is:

Slow Cooker Creamy Potato Soup (Christi style)

Ingredients

• 6 handfuls of diced ham (accurate measurement, I know)
• 1/2 onion, finely chopped
• 2-3 carrots, peeled & sliced
• a few green beans, cut up (I threw these in because I had a small crop of about 8 of them from my garden... I'm sure you could leave them out or add some other veggie)
• 6 cups chicken broth
• 6 large potatoes, peeled and diced into 3/8" cubes
• salt to taste
• thyme to taste
• parsley to taste
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1-1/2 cups half-and-half cream
• 4 oz (1/2 pkg.) cream cheese
• 1 (12 fluid ounce) can evaporated milk
• shredded cheddar for topping (optional but highly recommended)
• bacon bits for topping (optional but highly recommended)

Directions

1. Place onion in a skillet. Cook over medium-high heat until onions are soft. 
2. Transfer the onion to a slow cooker, and stir in chicken broth, water, potatoes, ham, carrots, green beans, salt, thyme, and parsley. Cover, and cook on Low 6 to 7 hours.
3. In a small bowl, whisk together the flour and half-and-half. Stir into the soup along with the evaporated milk and cream cheese. Cover, and cook another 30 minutes before serving.
4. Optional step (I did it and liked it better): Blend with a hand blender for a bit to blend some (but not all) of the potatoes and veggies for the preferred thickness and texture.
5. Serve with shredded cheddar and bacon bits for toppings.

Slow Cooker Creamy Potato Soup

I found the original recipe here, and then modified it based on my preferences, what I had available, and comments on the website.

Enjoy!