Dairy-Free Chicken & Rice Casserole

Recently, I've needed to eat a dairy-free diet on and off. One thing I've been missing a lot are those tasty creamy casseroles that are so easy to make and so yummy! But, alas, they usually contain cream, cheese, milk, and/or other dairy products. I went on a hunt for a dairy-free casserole and found this gem. It seemed like it might be a bit bland, so I made a few modifications, including adding onions and french fried onions.

Ingredients

• 3 cups cooked rice
• 2 cups cooked shredded or cubed chicken
• 2 tablespoons olive oil
• 2 tablespoons water
• 3-4 tablespoons flour
• 1/4 teaspoon thyme, plus more to taste
• 1/8 teaspoon garlic powder, plus more to taste
• 1/8 teaspoon onion powder, plus more to taste
• 1/8 teaspoon salt
• 3 teaspoons chicken bouillon powder
• 3 cups water
• 1-1/4 cup frozen peas 
• 1/2 cup sliced frozen carrots
• 1/2 cup sliced onion
• 1/4-1/2 cup plain breadcrumbs (make sure they are dairy-free)
• 1/4-1/2 cup french fried onions (make sure they are dairy-free)

Directions

1. Preheat oven to 400°F
2. In large skillet bring 2 tbsp oil and 2 tbsp water to a light simmer.
3. Add flour slowly and blend until smooth.
4. Add 1/4 t. thyme, 1/8 t. onion powder, 1/8 t. garlic powder.
5. Slowly add 3 cups of water and bouillon then continue blend until its a smooth consistency.
6. Add cooked chicken and stir.
7. Lightly grease a casserole dish and layer rice in bottom.
8. Layer peas, carrots, and onion onto rice and sprinkle with salt and any additional spices you want.
9. Carefully pour chicken mixture over vegetables.
10. Sprinkle bread crumbs over the casserole.
11. Bake for 25 minutes. 
12. Top with french fried onions and bake 5-10 minutes more.

This casserole turned out better than I'd expected a dairy-free casserole to be! For not having any cheese, it was very good! It hit the spot, and I hardly missed the cheese and milk (ok, I did kind of miss them).

50 Reasons Not to Watch "50 Shades of Grey"

It seems like 50 Shades of Grey has gotten a lot of attention—both positive and negative—lately. I haven't seen it and don't intend to, but for some reason I felt compelled to write this post. Here are 50 reasons, in no particular order, why you should NOT see the movie (or read the book, for that matter)—though not all will apply to everyone:

1. You value beauty.
2. You are married, and you value that marriage enough to protect it.
3. You are single, and you value your sexuality enough to protect it.
4. You appreciate good literature. These are real lines from the novel: “Finally, my medulla oblongata recalls its purpose, I breathe.” and “My inner goddess is beside herself, hopping from foot to foot.” Really? Need I go on? Could we be more ridiculous?
5. It's pornographic. Don't think so? Here's a definition of pornography from Merriam-Webster: "movies, pictures, magazines, etc., that show or describe naked people or sex in a very open
   and direct way in order to cause sexual excitement"
6. You are a Christian.
7. "Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." Phil 4:8
8. You believe our culture needs more good men—not fewer of them.
9. "But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart." Matthew 5:28
10. Because there are better ways to spend that movie ticket money—like donating the money to a shelter for real-life abused women.
11. You could spend those two hours experiencing real, life-giving intimacy with your real, flesh-and-blood spouse.
12. You believe our culture needs more good women—not fewer of them.
13. You love your children and you want to set a good example for them.
14. You know you can't "un-see" things you've seen.
15. It blurs the lines about what real love is.
16. It blurs the lines on whether it's ok to have a "sex-without-love" mentality.
17. It glorifies and trivializes domestic abuse.
18. You are a feminist. Last time I checked, there's nothing empowering about a woman being abused.
19. Just because the story has been used for some good, this does not mean we should in any way endorse it. Just because God can take the broken (e.g. losing a home to a fire or a losing a loved one) and use it for good, doesn't mean we should try to make these things happen (e.g. arson or murder).
20. You are sexually hungry. Why try to satiate that desire with this disgusting film?
21. You are sexually satisfied. Why ruin that by watching this film?
22. You liked the Dove Men+Care Super Bowl commercial so much because you believe that what makes men, men: loving others, not abusing them.
23. "For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. Likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does." 1 Cor. 7:4
24. Because you are a woman and can't endorse something that glorifies a woman being treated in such a way.
25. Because you are a man and you can't stand men being portrayed so poorly.
26. Because you are a woman who is sometimes tempted to find a man who is broken and needs to be "fixed."
27. Because you are a man who is tempted to be domineering or violent.
28. Because you could spend that money to watch a movie, such as Fireproof, that portrays real love and grace and victory over sexual sin, instead.
29. Because, since when did it become ok to watch people having sex on a movie screen? Is that something we would ever watch in real life?
30. "Drink water from your own cistern, flowing water from your own well. Should your springs be scattered abroad, streams of water in the streets? Let them be for yourself alone, and not for strangers with you. Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love." Proverbs 5:15-19
31. Because marriage is hard enough without confusing ourselves about what real love is.
32. You don't want to confuse yourself about what real, God-endorsed sex should be like.
33. You could spend those two hours on a night out with friends.
34. Single? You could spend those two hours filling out an eHarmony profile and find a real single man out there who is not a tyrant. (Not trying to sound flippant here. I know it's much easier said than done!)
35. Because you want to follow Jesus.
36. "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." 1 Cor. 6:18
37. You could spend those two hours and that money on a dinner date with your spouse/significant other, where you can get to know each other's heart & soul better with these 50 date night questions.
38. You believe that we need to be reminded what real love is.
39. "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers." 1 John 3:16
40. Because you are lonely. Don't fill that hole here.
41. Because you wouldn't know what to tell your child when they ask what the movie was about that you went to go see.
42. Because you could go out dancing with your spouse instead.
43. Because you fear God and you believe He is in authority.
44. Because you could take that time to befriend and counsel a real-life abused woman by volunteering at a women's shelter.
45. "Why should you be intoxicated, my son, with a forbidden woman and embrace the bosom of an adulteress? For a man's ways are before the eyes of the Lord, and he ponders all his paths. The iniquities of the wicked ensnare him, and he is held fast in the cords of his sin. He dies for lack of discipline, and because of his great folly he is led astray." Proverbs 5:20-23
46. Because you are young and impressionable.
47. Because you are old and don't think you're impressionable.
48. Because you care about yourself and want to protect yourself.
49. You could spend those two hours doing pretty much anything more useful. Here are some ideas: organize your basement, catch up on sleep, call an old friend, write a snail mail letter, write a list for your spouse of 50 reasons why you love them.
50. "Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends." 1 Cor. 13:4-8

There you go. 50 reasons not to watch "50 Shades." I thought it would be hard to make a list that long. It wasn't. What is your reason for not watching?

Our Ornament Tradition and our 2014 Ornament

Our Christmas Ornament Tradition

A few short months after our wedding, my husband and I celebrated our first Christmas together. 

We decided to start something that has now become a special tradition for our family. We decided that, each year, we will find or make an ornament that especially represents that year and add it to our tree (we're both big on ornaments that have stories and are not just decorative). 

In 2012, we put a picture from our honeymoon into this small frame. It represented a year of a new beginning—the year we got married!

In 2013, we made the tradition "official." We decided that, each year on our anniversary, we would take some time to write in our anniversary journal about what we decided to make for our ornament that year and why. Deciding our ornament on our anniversary has proven to be a good plan—that gives us time to find or create our ornament before Thanksgiving weekend, when we put up our tree each year.

For 2013, we got a small jar and put a poppyseed in it. We decided to make this our ornament last year because God had given us a baby—a baby who we called poppyseed up until she was born in early 2014.

Our 2014 Ornament

I'm really excited about our ornament this year—maybe because of the symbolism, or maybe because it took longest to make. This year, we decided to make a tree.

We decided on a tree partially because of the symbolism in this Andrew Peterson song and the story behind it.

2014, has, for us, been a year of growth, planting, putting down roots. There are three main reasons we decided a tree represents this year:

1. We have both been convicted this year about our need to pursue spiritual growth more fervently. This is something we are both, together, being more intentional about.
2. We had our baby girl this year! We "planted a new seed" and are cultivating her growth.
3. We've gotten more settled into our new home, our roles, and our routine. We are "putting down roots," so to speak.

The Making of the Tree

After we decided to make a tree, I set out looking for a tree ornament. But, the only ones I could find were Christmas trees. So, I decided to make a wire tree (which is significantly cheaper than buying one. About 10 times cheaper, in fact). I found this helpful (and silly) tutorial video about how to make gemstone trees.

I took some liberties and did my tree a bit differently... I added more "branches" (my tree has 11 of them). I also put crystal beads onto the loops so I didn't have to mess with gluing things. I also just curled the ends of my roots instead of gluing it to a rock since this tree will hang instead of standing. I added an extra little loop of wire and tied a green ribbon to it. With sale prices and a 40% off coupon, the materials for this project were only $2.50, and I still have at least half of the 26-gauge wire left over. I'm loving this tree and can't wait to hang it on our Christmas tree next week!

Easy Barley Soup

I invented a recipe today. We are always looking for affordable meal options, and barley is almost as cheap as it gets (this whole pot of soup was less than $3 to make)! We don't get fancy barley, just the simple kind, where you buy a bag of dry barley like you'd buy a bag of dried beans.

I got the inspiration for this recipe from the back of the Hurst's barley bag. I made quite a few modifications, though, so I think I can call it my own. It turned out so much better than I'd expected it would!

Ingredients:

• 1/2 c. barley
• 7 c. water
• 1-1/2 c. diced ham
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 1 rib celery, chopped
• 1 carrot, peeled and chopped
• 1, 14.5-oz can diced tomatoes
• 1 bay leaf
• 1 t. salt
• 2 beef and 2 chicken bullion cubes
• basil to taste

Directions:

1. Combine ingredients in a large pot.
2. Boil gently for about 2 hours, checking and stirring occasionally. Add water during cooking to reach desired consistency, if needed.
3. Remove bay leaf and serve. Makes about 4 bowl servings.

Essential Oils: Essential Information

I know this post is not my typical type of post... please disregard it if this is not a topic that interests you.

Since seemingly everyone is hosting essential oil parties these days, I've been doing some research on them to find out what all the hype is. My dad is a massage therapist, so the fact that essential oils exist and are useful is not news to me. I have recently learned more specifics about the benefits of essential oils, but have already for years been using lavender oil to relax, tea tree oil spray during cold season, and citronella for homemade bug spray.

Do I think that essential oils are totally useless? No. Do I think that essential oils can fix any ailment and eliminate our need for ever going to the doctor? No. Essential oils have their place, and modern medicine has its place. I believe essential oils are worth trying for improving various conditions such as migraines, insomnia, eczema, sinus congestion, ADHD, and digestive issues. I also believe we can't use them as our only solution for many medical issues.

Mainly, I want to share some information that I've found in my research. I hope this is useful for you as you consider whether to try essential oils and/or what brands to use. I am in no way an expert on the subject, so please do your own research and don't just take my word for it.

• Phrases such as “Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade” mean nothing. There is no actual classification in the aromatherapy world for “therapeutic grade”. There is no governing body that certifies essential oils. Phrases such as “Certified Pure Therapeutic Grade” are trademarked phrases by their corresponding essential oil company. The reason each of these companies can claim that “no other company can say….” is because their company has trademarked the words. (I do not doubt the quality of the products from companies that use phrases like this. I am simply pointing out that these phrases are meaningless, so look at other factors to determine the quality of any oils you purchase.)
• Enormous amounts of plants are needed to produce essential oil. It takes anywhere from 100 pounds to literally tons of plant material to produce a pound of essential oil. Consider, then, how concentrated essential oils must be in light of how many plants are used to produce them.
• Most essential oils should never be used undiluted on the skin. Instead, they should be combined with carrier oils, waxes, butters, alcohols, or other diluting measures. Because they’re so concentrated, if you don’t dilute, you may end up with an unfortunate reaction (and unhappy skin). Besides, the oils will go a much longer way when diluted. There are a few essential oils that are generally recognized as safe to use undiluted (sparingly), such as lavender, German chamomile, tea tree, sandalwood, and rose geranium.
• You should never use an undiluted essential oil on a baby or child. Children have much thinner, more delicate skin than adults have and tend to be very sensitive to the potency of essential oils. In fact, even if you do use essential oil in a recipe for children, only use half of the essential oil recommended in the recipe. That’s all they’ll need, anyway. Be sure to find a reliable list of essential oils that are safe for babies and children before using them.
• You really shouldn't take essential oils internally, especially oils like wintergreen and eucalyptus. While some essential oils may be used well-diluted in something like toothpaste with safety, it’s generally recognized that there’s no need to take essential oils internally. 
• Certain essential oils should be avoided during pregnancy and breastfeeding (and skip essential oils completely in your first trimester). These lists often include aniseed, cedarwood, chamomile, cinnamon, clary sage, clove, ginger, jasmine, lemon, nutmeg, rosemary, sage, wintergreen, vetiver, and more.
• Essential oils cannot be patented, which means that you don't see essential oils in pharmaceutical drugs. You can expect that the vast majority of mainstream healthcare practitioners will not recommend essential oils as therapeutic alternatives to drugs. Because essential oils cannot be patented, drug companies will not waste money studying them. This limits our scientific knowledge of essential oils greatly.
• Essential oils will last for at least 5 years (if not 10), so one bottle could literally last you a decade. Hopefully that thought will help mitigate the cost involved in purchasing some essential oils. Because they are so concentrated and only a tiny amount is needed in anything you do, they’ll last you a very, very long time. The only exception to this rule is citrus oils, which will see a reduction in potency after a year or two.
• Most essential oils are high in antibacterial, antifungal, and antiviral properties. This makes them an excellent addition to your homemade cleaning preparations. Oils that work well for cleaning include lemon, grapefruit, eucalyptus, peppermint, tea tree, lavender, and rosemary.
• Essential oils are miniscule in molecular size, which means they are absorbed well by the skin – making them perfect ingredients in personal care items intended to heal, soften, and nourish. However, they do not accumulate in the body over time – they simply offer up their healing properties and then pass on through.
• Fragrance oils and essential oils are not the same thing. As a rule of thumb, if you see the word “fragrance” or “fragrance oil” or even “perfume” on anything, you can assume this is synthetic, not natural, even if it says natural fragrance. Look for oils that are labeled as 100% essential oil and do your research to make sure they are not diluted or mixed with synthetic substances.

I am not suggesting we should be afraid to use essential oils. They are very useful for health, cleaning, and aromatherapy. Just use them properly and it should be fine. I hope this post is helpful as you determine how and when and which essential oils to use.

NOTE: Many of the above bits of information were copied from here (but I've also seen them all elsewhere).

9/6 UPDATE: Here is a note my dad wrote about the second-to-last point:

“Minuscule” is a relative term and a poor one to use. Why not just say that they are absorbed well and leave it at that? I do see their implied point: the oils can be assimilated transdermally (through the skin just like a nicotine patch) for use in the body. Essential oils are NOT molecules; they are complex combinations of MANY molecules—sometimes hundreds of distinct molecules—many of which are terpenes. Terpenes, in turn are made of isoprene units, and can have anywhere from one to dozens of them (think of ladders with different numbers of rungs). See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Terpene for more info on this. 

Five Reasons to Respect Marriage

This morning, I stumbled upon an article entitled Top 5 Reasons Not to Get Married by Krystal Baugher. I was so sad when I read it!

I wasn't sad because this woman is choosing not to marry. I think that singleness can be a wonderful thing, and can be a good gift from God. (I'm thinking of several singles from my church who are accomplishing great things with their lives that married folks do not have the time/ability to accomplish.)

I was sad because Miss Baugher is completely missing the beautiful design God has for marriage! Please don't read this as me being somehow angry with this writer. I'm not. I'm angry with sin. I'm angry with our culture and what it had taught people about life, love, and sexuality. I'm angry that Krystal has learned by the things she sees that having this attitude toward marriage is the best way.

Because it isn't. It just isn't.

So, I hope to present the case for marriage as it was intended, by using Miss Baugher's article as a springboard.


1) The Beauty of God's Design (in response to The Pains of Patriarchy)

Krystal says that the tradition of a father "giving his daughter away" is oppressive:

This ritual, both historically and symbolically, gives the woman away as if she is a piece of property that a man is privileged enough to own.

It is true that our history has included innumerable instances of women being unjustly treated. Frankly, feminism hasn't fixed that. If you think it has, consider how much the pornography industry has grown in recent years, and what that has done to men and women.

The tradition of giving a daughter away is truly beautiful. It exemplifies God's design to leave your parents and cleave to your spouse:

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

God's design is not for husbands to control their wives! A godly marriage can be a beautiful picture of the way Christ loves the Church—so long as husband and wife both have this understanding of the meaning behind marriage. John Piper says it well:

Headship is not a right to command and control. It's a responsibility to love like Christ: to lay down your life for your wife in servant leadership. And submission is not slavish or coerced or cowering. That's not the way Christ wants the church to respond to his leadership: he wants it to be free and willing and glad and refining and strengthening.

2) Someone to Live Life With (in response to I must find my prince and ride off into the sunset?)

Krystal brings up two different ideas under her second point. I'll address them both.

First, she states that "the idea of finding our 'one true love' is embedded in us all from a very early age." No argument there! Believe me—Beauty and the Beast and The Little Mermaid were my two favorite movies growing up. This concept is all over just about every romantic movie out there.

The solution, however, is not to break out of the bounds of this thing she calls "heterosexual normativity." The solution is simply to recognize that, while there may not be someone out there who is our "soul mate," should we choose to marry, we can redeem "true love" to be all it was meant to be: a sacrificial, imitating-Christ love. Giving your life to another. For life. Finding someone to live life with—someone who loves God and who will lead us closer to Him.

Second, Krystal quotes the following:

“Most of the discourses on sex, be they religious, psychiatric, popular, or political, delimit a very small portion of human sexual capacity as sanctifiable, safe, healthy, mature, legal, or politically correct. The ‘line’ distinguishes these from all other erotic behaviours, which are understood to be the work of the devil, dangerous, psychopathological, infantile, or politically reprehensible. Arguments are then conducted over ‘where to draw the line’, and to determine what other activities, if any, may be permitted to cross over into acceptability.”

Beware this kind of thinking! Would you agree that there needs to be some sort of moral standard? If you don't draw the line somewhere... is pedophilia ok, then? What about bestiality? What if you bring this concept into other areas? Is it ok to kill someone for no reason? Why not?

See how this becomes a dangerous place to be? Maybe, just maybe, the reason why there are arguments over where to draw the line is because people have an innate sense that there must be some sort of moral standard in the world. And how could that sense get into our minds unless Someone put it there?

Bringing this back to marriage... maybe there's a better way. I would argue that there's much more enjoyment and beauty when sticking with one sexual partner for life:

The benefits of monogamy are huge, and they include better sex.

Experts say you get really great at something when you’ve put in 10,000 hours of practice. For instance, that piano player who can totally rock a Mozart or Vivaldi or Chopin tune. But imagine that you kept changing his instrument — piano, violin, percussion, trombone, etc. Would he be immediately as good at playing those other instruments? Not likely. In a covenant marriage, you get a lifetime to learn love with your particular partner, to try many different things, and to perfect your lovemaking. You can become quite the maestro!

Focus on the mate you chose. Invest yourself fully in this One True Love. Even if your original, natural bent felt a little more Don Juan than Romeo. Monogamous, covenant marriage, and awesome sex within, is God’s beautiful design, and the payoff is worth the investment.

More on monogamy now...

3) Monogamy, Beauty (in response to Monogamy, Monotony)

Krystal says:

Half of the people who tie the knot end up needing to untie it later—and usually it’s a really tight knotty knot that is difficult and expensive to untangle.

And I’m the weirdo for not wanting to be a part of that?

People get married because they’re told over and over again that this is the way it’s done, and yet over and over again it isn’t being done right (and obviously not for the right reasons).

I mostly agree (except the part about "needing" to untie the knot, and about why people get married). The whole purpose of marriage is that it should be a "really tight knotty knot"! Marriage is, by definition, a vow to remain committed and faithful to one's spouse for life. And, yes, marriage is unfortunately often entered into for the wrong reasons. Plus, we're sinners, so God's design for marriage has been drastically and tragically distorted.

Marriage is meant to reflect Christ's love for His Church. I'm so glad that God does not have the same attitude toward us that we so often sinfully have toward one another. I'm so glad He doesn't say: "Well, I love you, but only so long as you do what I want, make me feel fulfilled, and do everything you can to make me happy. I love you so long as I feel in love with you and think you're attractive." 

No, "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." And, "Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless." I'm so glad God loves us with a covenantal, unconditional love.

So, are we naturally monogamous? No, I don't think we are.

Monogamy is not natural. You’re right about that. 

It’s supernatural.

But is monogamy a good thing? Matt Walsh helps us think rightly about this:

I have found a woman who will be with me until I die, even while my hair falls out and my skin shrivels and wrinkles, even when I stumble, even when I fail, even through the doldrums of daily existence, through bills and dirty diapers, through all things — joyous or miserable, pleasing or painful — through every day until death comes. Why should it be hard for me to simply refrain from tossing such a gift into the garbage?...

If you won 600 million dollars in the lottery, would you go out the next day and break into cars to steal the change from the cup holders? That’s what sleeping around is like when you’ve already found a woman who will pledge her life and her entire being to you for the remainder of her existence.

Photo by Daniel LaBelle Photography

4) Lasting Benefits (in response to Benefits for Whom?)

In her fourth point, Krystal says, "I don’t think health care should be a high priority for a major decision like marriage."

I don't have much to say on this topic, other than that I don't think so, either. If you want to marry someone, don't do it for the healthcare benefits or tax breaks.

No, if you want to marry someone, do it because you have decided to make a lifelong commitment to that person. Do it because you want to love your spouse sacrificially and unconditionally. Do it because you want to be a blessing to your spouse by being a picture of Christ to him or her. Those are the lasting benefits of marriage.


5) Better for the Children—and Us (in response to *F* the Children)

Miss Baugher states the following:

We’re all really sensitive about our children, but guess what? We are the children, your parents are the children, your grandparents are the children.

This is, in one sense, a valid point. We all at one time were the children. I was once a child. And, boy, am I grateful that my parents gave me a stable childhood and exemplified a faithful, monogamous marriage. I'm so glad that I never had to experience the ravages of divorced parents, or the confusion of unmarried parents. So, yes, we once were the children.

There are statistics everywhere that prove that children who come from traditional families with loving, involved mothers and fathers experience less mental illness, less substance abuse, more economic opportunity... the list goes on and on. I don't think that this is a coincidence.

She also points out that children "are not innocent vessels of pure moral order." This is also true. They are sinners, like us all. That is why is is so crucial to be an example to them of what is good, noble, and right. It is so important to train them up to love God and the way He ordered things. It is imperative to show them what committed, sacrificial love looks like. Because they are sinners, too, and don't we want them to enjoy life the way it was designed, not experience the ravages of sin and death?

Krystal also asks,

When will we do what’s right for us instead of for some hypothetical person who hasn’t been born yet?

Well, that's just selfish (would you use this reasoning when talking about whether we should take care of the environment?). Besides, doing things God's way is not only better for "the children." It's better for us, too. And none of this is about us anyway.

Photo by Heather McKittrick Photography

Conclusion

Miss Baugher's article made me sad because it exemplified the way of thinking of so many in our culture today. So many people are missing the beauty of marriage as God designed it. It's affecting our culture, our worldview, our children, you name it. Marriage is meant to be so much more—so much better—than we so often think! Let's redeem our marriages and make them all that God intended—for His glory and for our benefit, too!

While it would be wrong to conclude that marriage is everyone’s answer to the “it is not good for man to be alone” problem, it is humanity’s answer in general and was the institution that God gave us to solve this trouble. It is and has been God’s delight and design that each of us come into His world through the communion, love and commitment of a husband and a wife. (The Family Project Blog)

I did not get married to (in Krystal's words) fulfill my "duty to be “princess” for a day (and wife for my life)." I got married because I wanted to love and be loved the way Christ loves. My husband and I don't do that perfectly, but we are committed to getting better at it for the rest of our lives. Why would I choose the loneliness and confusion of sexual "freedom" or sleeping around, or whatever else... if I can instead choose a life of deep, faithful love?

So, please, don't settle for our culture's view of marriage! Embrace God's design. There is so much more joy and satisfaction to be experienced when we respect and honor the way God designed things.

________________

6/2 Update:

Given several comments I've gotten about this post, I feel the need to address something:

I recognize that the core issue behind why Krystal and I disagree is that we (very likely) differ in our worldviews (i.e. the lenses through which we view the world). I understand that she is not likely to change her views on marriage without a change in worldview. I am also not likely to change my views on marriage without a change in worldview (which isn't going to happen). 

I believe that there is a God who has always been. He is holy. He created the universe and everything in it. He is a God of love, mercy, and justice. He is the only being worthy of worship. I believe that humanity is fallen. We are sinners. We can't meet God's standard of holiness. I believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of this Living, holy God, and He was sent to the earth to redeem us through the sacrifice of His life in our place, so that we could be reconciled to God and live with Him forever in heaven. I believe that anyone who puts their trust in Him can experience this reconciliation. I believe that the Bible is Truth.

That is my worldview. And that is why I view marriage the way I do.

You may choose a different worldview. I simply encourage you to study up on your options, considering what you find is True, not only what you want to be true (I can say I don't want to believe in gravity, but that doesn't make it any less real). I encourage you to be sure about what you believe about God, the Bible, Jesus Christ, heaven, hell, and eternity. Because eternity is a really long time—much longer than this life you are living now. 

"Leave nothing unsettled that is eternal." –J.C. Ryle

Gratitude for My Husband

Earlier today, I was thinking about how romantic my life was when I got engaged. Wow. What a great date that was. I was swept off my feet! We danced, he sang, we were adventurous on our scavenger hunt. I ordered whatever I wanted at the restaurant—it was extravagant. It was romantic.

It was not how life is anymore.

Now, I iron his shirts.

And I get excited when we actually clean the whole house in one weekend.

And a trip to Culver's for ice cream is the event of the week.

And then I was tempted to wish for more romance—to say to my husband "why don't we go out on romantic dates anymore?" (Which we still do sometimes, anyway.)

But then I remembered a beautiful post by Ann Voskamp (who speaks much more eloquently than I ever could). It's about "boring" husbands. And it's about how boring is so much more beautiful than chick flick romance.

So I wanted to remember why my husband is wonderful.

I'm a little hesitant to write this post because I don't want it to seem like I'm attempting to brag about how I have the best husband or something.

However, when I see women really appreciating and valuing their husbands instead of criticizing them, it inspires me to do the same. I want to be a wife who pays attention to the eighty percent instead of getting hung up on the twenty percent like I am so often tempted to do.

“A wife, if she is very generous, may allow that her husband lives up to perhaps eighty percent of her expectations. There is always the other twenty percent that she would like to change, and she may chip away at it for the whole of their married life without reducing it by very much. She may, on the other hand, simply decide to enjoy the eighty percent, and both of them will be happy.”
–Lars Gren, husband of Elisabeth Elliot

So, the list below is (certainly not exhaustively) about that eighty percent. These are my husband’s strengths. Your husband’s strengths are probably different. My hubby looks wonderful to me, but please don’t read this list and lament that your husband struggles where mine doesn’t. Think about your own marriage and how your husband is a blessing. I encourage you to make your own list.... and consider the heart behind these words I recently read on a blog: "Be his lover, not his mother!" I think that starts with gratitude.

20 Reasons I'm Grateful for My Husband

1. He loves God more than he loves me. 
2. Because of that, he isn't afraid to tell me when I've been sinful, unreasonable, or hypocritical. But he almost always does so gently, in a way that leads me to think, repent, and trust that God will keep working in me... he does not speak in a way that makes me tell myself that I am a failure and should not be such a bad sinner.
3. When he has time, he washes the dirty dishes before I wake up in the morning.
4. He eats the food I cook. And he thanks me for making it.
5. He's super-adorable with our baby girl.
6. He's not too proud to change a diaper, and is still willing to do so despite the fact that I almost always complain about how he did it.
7. He goes to work every day to provide financially for our family so that I can be at home.
8. He owns his mistakes.
9. He is faithful. I have no fear that he will be unfaithful.
10. He is still there! He doesn't go away, even when I'm being unreasonable, critical, super-emotional, or otherwise ridiculous.
11. He took me to get flowers to plant in the garden for Mother's Day.
12. He loves people equally—a trait I can learn from. He's genuinely interested in people and how they are doing.
13. He tells me he loves me every morning and every night.
14. He is my friend. We like to hang out. We enjoy our conversations. Like the one we recently had about eschatology, Israel, and Isaac & Ishmael. 
15. He teaches his students. He also teaches me. Gently, lovingly. Just like he always did even before we were married and he taught me how to do my taxes and how to play ultimate frisbee and tennis.
16. He balances me out: He has a different perspective that makes me think. He's a big picture guy, I'm a detail girl. Together, we make a great pair. He casts a vision, and I can figure out how to make the vision happen. 
17. I love the vision he has for how to raise and discipline our child(ren).
18. He's snuggly.
19. He deals with the mice. The ones that were in our apartment. He's willing to take care of those things so I don't have to.
20. Let's face it, he's pretty handsome ;)